So today I am trying desperately to stay afloat.  Not working is definitely a weight on our family.  Although I wasn't making a ton of money I was still filling in the gaps.  Now there is nothing to fill in the gap.  I hate struggling.  I feel like I have put us in a hole that is going to be really hard to get out of.  Of course it is then another thing that makes my mind toss and turn in a way that is not helpful.  There is nothing like the feeling of being out of control.  Not knowing if you are coming or going.  Today I was driving and I had no idea where I was going.  I literally was just driving.  It doesn't even occur to me that I am not going where I am suppose to go until I notice something out of place.  I see a landmark that seems off to me and that is what makes me realize that I am not going the right way.
i have to talk about last night.  I was hearing strange noises all night.  I was sure something was trying to get into my room.  It was the strangest sound.  I am not even sure I can describe it.  First I decided it was a bat trying to get in, then maybe a bunch of wasps, then I thought what if someone is breaking in.  I went downstairs and made sure the alarm was on.  I actually slept with the light on for quite sometime.  The noise I was sure I heard is actually what woke me up this morning at 6am.  I hear these noises often, I decided that I just have very sensitive hearing and can hear things others can not.  That is crazy I know, but it is true.